Self care to heal grief is vital to moving forward. It is important to develop a good plan. As we go through the stages of what grief does, there are things we can do to heal.
There are 5 aspects to grief and we create a balance for them through self care. In other words using self care will soften how we handle grief.
Self Care to Heal Grief Starts in the Denial Aspect
Nature has a way of guarding us and only letting in as much as we can handle. It helps us accept our loss and starts helping us ask questions. Working through this and getting stronger will bring other feelings to the surface.
The self care to handle denial part is physical, emotional, and spiritual.
These include:
Sleep
Stretching
Walking
Physical release
Healthy food
Stress management
Forgiveness
Compassion
Kindness
Time along
Connection
Journaling
Sacred space to think
Anger Aspect
Anger is necessary when healing. The more you feel it, the more you will heal. It will begin to dissipate as you work through it. For instance, your anger comes from your pain and is a way to let it out.
Our anger is our strength and can be your anchor. Giving structure to your loss. Your anger becomes stronger from the lost feelings, it bridges you together and is something to hold on to. However, learning to control and focus this anger is needed.
The self care to handle anger is emotional, social, personal, space and work.
These include:
Sleep
Walking
Physical release
Rest
Stress management
Emotional maturity
Boundaries
Support systems
Communication
Knowing yourself
Personal identity
Honoring your true self
Safety
Security and stability
Time management
More learning
Break time
Bargaining Aspect
Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything and everything to help. This is where you start to bargain and pray for things. You get lost in the maze of “what if …” or “If only…” statements.
You start to say things like:
“Take me instead”,
“What if I do this….?”
“Is this just a bad dream?”.
We go back in time, thinking how you could have lived differently, you spin your words and start imagining life all over again. We do anything not to feel the pain that has finally surfaced. For instance, you are bargaining for a different outcome.
Remain in the past seems to make us feel better. Yet, we all go through the aspects of grief differently. Some last longer than others and each one is individualized.
The self care to handle bargaining is emotional, social, spiritual, space and physical
These include:
Forgiveness
Compassion
Kindness
Boundaries
Support systems
Time together
Ask for help
Meditation
Nature
Journaling
Connection
Safety
Healthy living environment
Organized space
walking
Physical release
Yoga
Stretching
Rest
Depression Aspect
This aspect finds us in the present moments. We feel the emptiness, a deeper level of loss. We start looking around wonder. How am I going to do this? It’s important to understand that his depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. It is OK to withdraw, be left in a fog of sadness, and wondering how to go on.
A question you need to ask is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. To not experience some depression after a loss would be unusual. When the loss becomes realization it can be very depressing. In other words, it is necessary to expect this to heal.
The self care to handle depression is social, spiritual, work, personal, space
These include:
Support systems
Communication
Time with others
Ask for help
Connection
Journaling
Sacred space
Meditation
Time management
More learning
Break time
Knowing yourself
Personal identity
Hobbies
Safety
Organized space
Healthy living environment
Security and stability
The Fifth Self Care to Heal Grief is the Acceptance Aspect
Acceptance is not being “all-right” or “OK” with what happened, this aspect is accepting there is a new reality that things will go down a new path. We learn to live with a new normal. Seeing that we cannot maintain the past. We must readjust and learn to reorganize new roles and patterns.
You will have good days and bad. You begin to live again and enjoy life, though the feeling of betrayal or guilt will come. We can’t replace what was lost, but we can create new. Learn to listen to your needs, things change, we grow, we redecorate and we evolve. We start to live again, but not until we have given grief the time it needs.
The self care to handle acceptance is personal, financial, emotional, social, physical.
These include:
Knowing yourself
Personal identity
Honoring your true self
Hobbies
Budgeting
Money management
Splurging
Paying bills
Boundaries
Communication
Developing time
Emotional maturity
Releasing tension
Walking
Stretching
Healthy food
Everyone goes through grief differently. We all can bounce from one aspect back to another one but, when we learn how to grow and see how the self care can help you heal the grief, you will have a fuller life.
Don’t rush this process for it does take time.
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